New Rule: You can't force the ATM to do something it doesn't want to do. Excuse me, lady in front of me at the Citibank ATM, but you've been standing there punching buttons for ten minutes--what are you trying to do, write a novel on it? You hear those beeping noises? That's the ATM saying, "Stop it, you're hurting me." A chicken would have gotten forty bucks out of that thing by now just by pecking the buttons randomly. Bill Maher
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
-
Jane Austen
What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there." It's a girl, " Jace said, recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.
-
Cassandra Clare
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.
-
J.r. Ward
I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need.
-
Jeaniene Frost
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-
Charles M. Schulz
More Quotes By Bill Maher
There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results.".. Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic....Other symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia are: Do...
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
I think religion is a neurological disorder.
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.
Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.
